The bit-tech Cheesecake Supertest

Chocolate Cheesecake

Harry: Orange and cranberry cheesecake from Sain—

J: Oh, man. Tim’s got his spare tyre (belly) out!

T: It just popped out!

J: But you don’t have to wobble it! (Looks away in disgust) Oh…’Taste the Difference Orange and Cranberry Cheesecake’—

R: Jesus, Tim! Put that away too.

J: 18g of fat per 100g. In the cake, I mean.

H: For me this looks like the best cheesecake, I have to say. It’s the most visually appealing.

R: One twelfth gives you 7.7g of fat though. Someone do the math.

H: It’s covered in fruit and orange peel and stuff though. It’s very festive.


J: It’s coming away in chunks, I think it’s going to be another fail.

H: Base is very crumbly.

T: I’ve not managed to get any.

J: It’s terrible. The fruit and stuff, just getting stuck in my teeth.

H: N’ah, it works really well. Build quality is poor though.

Hiren: This one is not nice. Also, you need to know that the distribution of fruit and orange peel is not even over the entire cake.

J: What?! Harry did you just pick a bit of skin off of it?

Harry: Jelly. It was jelly.

R: Yeah, like a gelatine layer on the top.


J: That’s disgusting. Look – it’s the only cheesecake that comes with its own contraceptive.

T: Yeah, I don’t like that. That’s the first one I’ve chucked away... and that's saying something since the others were so bad.

J: Next! Tesco creamy chocolate and vanilla cheesecake. £3.00 and one sixth is…

Harry: I used to eat this very cheesecake a lot when I was at Uni.

J: And one sixth is 19g of fat.

Harry: Whoa, Ok. I’m done.

Hiren: It’s kind of half chocolate and half vanilla.

Harry: I’m not having any more.

J: Shut up and get in there. We all have to have some of every one.

Harry: No.

T: Yes! If you don't eat some of this cheesecake, you're fired!